The Nightmare Continues
by prettykurama
Summary: This is the sequel to my other story Eternal Despair. I suggest you read that one first before reading this one.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: i do not own NCIS or the characters.**

**A/N: ok so here is the sequel people wanted. it's a little rough but i hope you enjoy.**

**Ziva's P.O.V.**

_He sticks the tip of the blade into my shoulder. The zigzag pattern is slicing into me and making the cut even bigger. He slowly begins to slide the blade down to my elbow. The slice is deep and he rips the knife out violently to cause more pain. _

_ "We have a present for you Princess" he tells me, smiling down at me. A man brings in the person I have wanted to see the most, Tony._

"_Tony!" I scream from the table. Before he can speak, the man pushes him to his knees and they rip off his shirt._

"_Now Ziva, you don't want poor Tony here hurt. Do you?" Haidar asks with a mocking tone in his voice. Haidar begins to run the knife across Tony's skin. I have never seen Tony so frightened before. _

"_Ziva… If you answer, Tony here will not be harmed. But if you don't, I am afraid I cannot say he will make it out of here alive._

"_Please… You do not have to do this. Tony is not of importance to you. Why do you have to bring him into this?" I ask, trying to save the only person who has always had my back._

"_Because he is precious to you" he snickers. _

"_So what's it going to be?" he asks sliding the blade down Tony's cheek._

"_Tony… I…" I can't bring myself to say anything. I want Tony to live, but yet I cannot give away any information._

"_That's not an answer" Haidar says, slicing open Tony's cheek._

_ "Last chance" he warns, holding the knife at Tony's neck._

_ "Tony please-" Before I can say or do anything else, the man swipes the blade across Tony's neck, almost removing his head completely. As his lifeless body drops to the floor, I break down screaming and sobbing._

I wake up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down my face. I quickly grab my phone off the end table and hit the second number on speed dial.

"Hello." Just the sound of his voice begins to calm my nerves, but I am still a little too shaken up to say anything.

"Zi? Is that you?" he asks, his voice still groggy from just waking up.

"I am sorry I woke you" I respond, trying to hide my shaky voice.

"Ziva, is everything ok? Why are you crying?" he asks frantically, sounding much more awake than he was just a few seconds ago.

"I am fine, Tony. Please just go back to sleep. I will see you tomorrow for work" I tell him, clicking the end button on my cell. I place my phone back on the end table and lay back down in my bed. Why do I keep having these nightmares? It has been 2 months since I have been back. I guess no matter how long it's been since I have been away from that camp, the nightmares will not stop. It looks like I will just have to live every night without sleep.

I look over to the clock on my nightstand to see what time this one struck tonight. 1:34 AM. Great… it has only been 3 hours. There is no way I am going back to sleep. I just do what I do every time I am plagued with the horrors of that camp: I'll shower and then head to the NCIS gym.

Feeling the hot water from the shower run down my body and over every scar is not enough to wash away their touch.

"_Come on baby, scream. Scream like you mean it." His hands are all over me, ripping my clothes from my body. I can feel him griping my skin, pulling me closer… his lips grazing my skin, wanting a taste._

_ "There's that beautiful skin I love so much."_

I hear his whisper in my ear. It's almost like he is standing right beside me in the shower. His touch is still so vivid it is like his hands are around me right now. No matter how many showers I take, I still cannot get rid of the taint of his touch. I still feel dirty, even after I step out of the shower. I look up into the mirror and my eyes are drawnto the scars all over my body; from the bite marks on my shoulders to the rope burns on my ankles. The most visible scars are the ones on my stomach and back. The crisscross pattern of thick white lines on my back are the ones that will stay visible for my entire life. The small circular burns are clearly noticeable as well; especially the one just above my navel.

"_Let us see if I can make this better, shall we?"_

I can still remember what it felt like to have him blowing air onto my stomach. As I run my hand over my stomach, I can feel all the other scars along that area. My torso was his favorite spot to target;as well as my thighs.

I have to stop. I cannot keep thinking about him. If I let this monster continue to invade my thoughts, I will never get better. I am still a wreck as it is. I flinch at the slightest touch. I hide it at work, but I am pretty sure they all see it. I grab my towel, dry myself off, and dress as quickly possible. I quickly head to my car and drive as fast as I can to NCIS.

The second I arrive at NCIS, I walk inside the elevator and hit the button to the first floor. The elevator dings and the door begins to close. I can't help but shake uncontrollably. What is wrong with me? It is a freaking elevator, for god sake. I tell myself this every time I am in here, but nothing ever changes. I still panic. Thankfully, the gym is on the first floor and the elevator ride is not long.

I head directly over to the punching bad area of the gym. Throwing my fist into the bag recklessly calms my nerves from being in the elevator.I will keep this up until I am too exhausted to think about him.

**Tony's P.O.V.**

I pull the phone away from my ear to look at the screen. How could she just hang up like that? If she didn't want to talk, why did she call in the first place? I have to talk to her… But what if she gets angry and we get into a fight? Things are just getting back to normal with us again; I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. I can't go through that again. I can't call her. She clearly doesn't want to talk about it, so I should respect her privacy.

As I try to go back to sleep, my mind is taken over with images of Ziva sitting on her bed, crying into her knees, all alone. I can't let her be like that. I am her partner. I am supposed to have her back no matter what. And I being here while she is at her apartment crying is not having her back. I quickly climb out of bed, throw on the first clothes I come across, grab my keys, and run out to my car. I have to get to Ziva.

I arrive at her apartment building and rush up to her room.

"Ziva…Ziva, open up. Come on it's me, Tony. Come on Zi. I know you're in there" I say, softly but briskly knocking on the door. If she is in her room, then she will not be able to hear the soft knock. I pound louder on the door, hoping she'll hear it. I don't want to yell considering it's late. She would never not answer, knowing it was me at the door. She's clearly not here. But if she's not here, then where would she be? If she is feeling insecure or vulnerable, she would want to be somewhere safe where she could blow off steam; to be able to take her frustration out on something.

"I'm so stupid!" I yell while turning to leave the building.

"Excuse me, can you keep It…oh Tony. How are you?" Ziva's neighbor steps out into the hallway. She's a sweet old lady and she normally watches Ziva's apartment when we are on stakeouts.

"Hello Mrs. Sohma. I am sorry, I didn't mean to wake you" I apologize.

"Dear… I have told you before, it's Maggie. And if you are looking for Ziva, she left quite a while ago. I am not sure where she went, but I heard her storming out of here like she was in a hurry" she tells me.

"I was looking for her. Thank you. Goodnight Mrs. Sohma… I mean Maggie" I say as I start to walk away. Before I turn the corner, I hear Maggie say a farewell as she closes the door. I know exactly where Ziva went. She's gone to a place where she could feel powerful again. The NCIS gym is the safest place she could most likely think of. I have to reach Ziva. I have to find out if she's ok.

I enter the gym and she is exactly where I thought she would be; punching the bag as it swings back and forth. It looks like she has been here a while. Her hair is pulled back and underneath the gym lights I can see the sweat glistening off her skin. She has not noticed that I am here. Her ninja senses must not be working.

"Ziva?" I say softly, hoping not to startle her that much. She jumps at the sound of my voice. What's with her? She's normally not this jumpy?

**Ziva's P.O.V.**

"Ziva?" the sound of a voice behind me startles me. My body's natural reaction takes over and I jump. I turn around swiftly; ready to fight whoever is behind me. I drop my guard slightly at the sight of my partner.

"Tony? What are doing here?" I ask trying to control my breath so I do not seem weak and worn out.

"I… I couldn't sleep." He's lying. I can always tell when he's lying. Clearly he does not want to tell me why he is here.

"I just figured I would come here to get a little exercise and stuff. Get a good morning workout" he says, rubbing his hand through his hair as he walks closer to me. He steps behind the bag I was just recently punching and grabs ahold of it.

"Keep going… I'll hold it in place for you" He says sending a smile my way. I do not really want anyone around me, but I cannot let him know that. I have to keep guarded. No one can know what I am feeling. It will only result in me getting hurt…just like before. I can never show anything anymore. They took advantage of that and I will not let it happen again. Plus, I am not worth their sympathy.

Picturing his face on the punching bag, once more I throw punch after punch, knocking the bag backwards. If Tony was not holding it in place,I am sure the bag would be swinging violently.

"Ziva. What's going on?" he asks. I ignore his question. He does not need to know. Why can he not just stay out of my business? I am not worth his worry. He should just leave me alone. I am damaged beyond repair. I can feel his eyes on me. I glance up to see if he is staring at me or just staring in general.

"Nothing is wrong, Tony. Nothing! So can you please just fly out of my business?" I snap. Why does he care so much? Why does he want to know everything about me?

"First off…it's 'but-out' not 'fly'. And second of all… don't lie to me. I know you better than that." His hand reaches out and catches my fist before it connects with the bag. His hand completely covers mine. No. this cannot be happening. Not again. I will not be over-powered again.

Once his hand makes contact with mine, his touch feels just like Saleem's. I pull him forward to get the upper hand. I twist his arm behind his back and throw him downward, slamming his face to the ground.

"Ziva what are you doing! It's me! Tony! Stop! Ziva!" That's not Saleem's voice. Oh god… What have I done? I let go of Tony and run out of the gym. I have to get away. I have to run. I cannot do this. Why did he have to touch me? Why did he have to grab my hand like that? But it's not his fault. He does not know that I cannot handle being touched by men. He does not know that I am haunted by Saleem and his men every night. He knows nothing. Tony will never hurt me, so why? Why can I not get over this? I am safe here; no one here will hurt me like that. Why can I not feel safe?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or the characters.**

**A/N: I am sorry about the wait but I am back in school now so my updates will be slower than what they were. Anyway so I know I didn't put anything really about this except that it was sequel. It is definitely and AU time line. I know I said it was 2 months later after her rescue but nothing really has happened the episodes after her rescue have not taken place but Ziva is an official Agent. Ok please enjoy the second chapter.**

**Tony's P.O.V.**

I pick myself up off the floor and dust my clothes off. I should probably leave her alone for a while. She's not herself today and I don't want to ruin anything. I walk over to the treadmill and start my work out on a slow jog.

I just don't understand what could make her that jumpy. She has been home from the camp for a while now. I can tell she's still hurt. I mean she's jumpy at everything. I guess that's understandable though. I don't know what happened to her in that camp but I was sure she was getting back to normal. Apparently I don't know her as well as I thought I did. I just want to help her and she won't let me. Why does she always shut herself off from the world and the people who care about her?

**Ziva's P.O.V.**

I run to the bathroom to get away from everyone so no one can see me like this. Thankfully no one is in here when I walk in. I lock the door behind me to make sure everyone stays out. I turn on the sink and I watch the water run down the drain. I wish I could just wash everything away. That way I would never have to deal with this anymore. I cup my hands together and gather water in my hands. I bring my face down to my hands and splash my face with the water. I place my hands on the counter and look up at myself in the mirror. I can see my tears mix with the water as it runs down my face. How could I do that? I could have hurt Tony if I continued any longer then I did. I have to get control of this and fast before I really hurt someone. I walk away from the sink and lean against the wall. I let my body slide down the wall until I am sitting on the floor with my legs curled up to my chest. I wrap my arms around my knees and lean my forehead onto my knees.

"Kalila I am happy you are able to be free. You do not have to be haunted every night. Kalila you were an amazing girl and I really wish I was able to save you from your father. I am sorry I was not strong enough to protect you. You were one of the reasons I kept living. I knew once I left your beatings would have gotten worse. But it looks like I was the cause of your death. I stayed quite which made your father even angrier than he was. So he took it out on you. Kalila I am sorry." I whisper to myself. I do not try and wipe off the tears as they slide down my face and into my lap. My one friend in that camp was taken away from me. If only I fought harder against him when he was tying me up maybe I could have stalled some time and he would have taken his anger out on me instead of her.

"Kalila I see you in my dreams it's like you are still trying to reach me. I see talking to me like we used to, I see you happy but then that happiness is taken way once your father comes into my dreams. Then all I see is you crying out for help, screaming out to me so I can save you, and bleeding from every part of your body. Kalila no one should have to go through what you did. You were such a brave girl. Much braver than I was at your age. Kalila please know that I miss you so much and I wish you were here with me right now so I could talk to someone who will understand what it is I am going through. Someone I can trust with this information and they will not look at me any different. You would not see me as worthless. Kalila I want to thank you for everything you have taught me and did for me while we were in that camp." I bury my face deeper into my arms as I think about my friend. If she were here I would have taken her in as my daughter. I would have taught her everything I know, I would have taken care of her the proper way. I would have had a second chance at keeper her safe and I would have done it.

A knock on the door breaks me from my thought.

"Hello, is someone in there? If there is can you please unlock the door I really need to get in there." A voice says from outside the door. I stand up off the ground and wipe my face off. I try to make myself look presentable before I open the door. I know this woman is going to know I was crying because I cannot hide my bloodshot eyes. I swing the door open and Agent Lara Smith is standing outside the door. She is a nice lady, we do not really talk but we know who each other is.

"Ziva, are you ok? You look like you have been crying." She says walking in and closing the door.

"I am fine Lara. Sorry I did not mean to lock the door." I put on a fake smile and walk out the door leaving her alone in the bathroom. I walk over to my desk to catch up on the stack of paperwork on the side of my desk. When I walk in McGee is sitting at his desk. How long was I in that bathroom?

"Morning Ziva, how are you this morning?" he asks not looking up. I hear his question but I do not feel like answering him at the moment. I look out the window and the sun is shining. Kalila would have loved today.

"Ziva? Hello? Are you ok?" McGee asks. I turn around and meet his eyes.

"Ziva what happened? Who hurt you?" he asks frantically standing up at his desk and walking over to me.

"Nothing happened and no one hurt me I am fine. Thank you for your concern but it is not needed." I tell him sitting down at my desk.

"Ok well I'm over here if you would like to talk." He offers. McGee knows better than to push me to talk. He has been so caring ever since they brought me back. I nod my head and smile at him to make sure he knows that I know he is there and that I am thanking him for his offer.

**Tony's P.O.V.**

I step out of the shower and see the sun shining through the small windows. I think I can go up and be around her now. Maybe she's cooled down by now? I walk back in the elevator and wait in silence as it rides up to the squad room floor. I step out of the elevator and see McGee and Ziva at their desks working quietly on paperwork.

"Good morning Probies." I greet each of them never taking my eyes off Ziva. She looks up and her eyes tell me she's sorry. Her face is stern and showing no emotion but her eyes say wonders. I always know what she's thinking or saying just by looking into her eyes. I like to think I am the only one who can do that but I know it's not true. Gibbs sees it to. She looks back down and continues her work. She is thankful I have not asked her about this morning. I don't plan to either. She obviously gets upset about it so I won't bug her anymore.

"Paperwork day?" I ask.

"No we are just waiting for Gibbs to come in. It is still early he is probably getting coffee." McGee responds.

"Dead Marine, grab your gear." Gibbs says walking in the squad room coffee in hand. We all grab our bags and sling them over our shoulders and we walk into the elevator. Gibbs hands Ziva the keys and she smirks taking the keys from his hand.

We arrive at the crime scene and start our investigation. Ziva has not said a word. She must be really shaken up.

"DiNozzo what is wrong with her?" Gibbs whispers to me so she doesn't hear.

"I don't know Boss. She's been weird today." I explain. I decide it is better if I don't mention what happened this morning.

"You stay with her. You understand me? Make sure she is ok and do not leave her side until you are one hundred percent sure she is fine not when she says she is." he says looking me straight in the eyes to tell me he is serious. Even if he wasn't serious I would still be by her and make sure she is ok. She is my partner and I have her back no matter what and right now I can tell she needs me but I wish I knew why. Why won't she let me in that head of hers?

"Got it Boss." I tell him looking back at him just as seriously. He nods his head and walks away to start interviewing everyone. The body has a few broken bones but what killed our marine are the multiple stab wounds through his upper chest and on the side of his stomach. Ziva is taking a picture of the body when she stops and pulls the camera way from her face.

"What's' wrong Zi?" I ask seeing the distant look on her face as she is looking over the marine's wounds.

"Nothing just seeing what I need to take a picture of next." The first words out of her mouth are a lie. She always has been bad at that. She can point out when someone is lying but she can't lie herself. She holds the camera back up to her face and captures another picture.

The crime scene is all settled. We got our witness statements and all the pictures and sketches that we need. We have all the evidence that was found around the scene. Ducky and Palmer have the body in autopsy getting ready to start. Gibbs is getting more coffee and McGee, Ziva, and I, are sitting silently in the squad room. Ever since Ziva saw the cuts on our marine she has had this distant frightened look to her eyes.

**Ziva's P.O.V.**

The cuts on his body are almost like the ones I received from Somalia. The staggered pattern, the long gashes across the side of his stomach. I have scars that almost match them perfectly. Could that mean something? Did someone escape without Gibbs, Tony, and McGee, killing them? No that cannot be possible they said they got everyone. Gibbs told me he did not leave any one alive and I believe him. It does not mean anything it is just how he died, nothing else.

This is so frustrating. Why does everything bring up memories of what happened to me? I should be over this by now I am stronger than this. But maybe I really am broken and there is no way to fix me. I really hope that is not the case but I feel like it is. I cannot seem to get away from him and his men. But the ones that I see the most are Kalila, Ramey, Haidar, and of course Saleem himself. I just cannot get his wicked smile out of my head. No matter what I do I cannot get rid of his voice whispering in my ear. I cannot erase his touch from my body. I wish this did not have to be this way. I wish I could touch and be touched by someone again. But instead I flinch and act out thinking that they are going to hurt me. Like this morning. Tony was only trying to talk to me and I slammed him down. I feel terrible about that still but I know if I confront him about it he will only ask questions and they will be questions that I cannot answer.

**Tony's P.O.V.**

She is deep in thought again. Should I tell her that we are done for the day? She has been sitting there for a long time I don't even think she knows it's late and time to go home. She seems out of it again.

"Hey Ziva come on time to go home. Let's go." I tell her tapping on her desk to get her attention. She shakes her head and looks up at me.

"I am sorry Tony, what did you say?" she asks.

"I said it's time to go home. It's late and we both need our sleep." I know she needs sleep I can see the dark rings under her eyes. Plus she just looks tired and it's been a long day. She stands up quietly and sends me a fake smile as she grabs her bag and coat.

"Goodnight Tony." She says walking by me making sure not to touch me. I watch after her but my vision is blocked as she gets on the elevator. It's best if I don't join her I'll just go home a little later than her. I really wish she wasn't so guarded all the time. But I guess we have her father to blame for that one. From what she has told me he told her emotions were a weakness, that letting anyone see what you're feeling will only get you hurt. I really hate that man. He fights for his daughter, turns her away from us, and then leaves her in some dessert to die. He knew where she was going he could have easily sent people over to rescue her, but he didn't, he left her there. He doesn't care for anything but his job. I have to make sure Ziva never see's him again. She can't be hurt by him again.

I walk to the elevator and hop on when the doors open. I close the doors and ride it down to the garage floor. I walk out and over to my car. The parking lot is empty but the lights are still on. I get in my car and drive to my apartment. The drive is not that long. I live the closest to work than everyone else on the team. I get to my apartment and open the door, hang up my coat and walk into the kitchen. I check the clock. Midnight, today went fast. I grab glass of water and head to my bedroom for a goodnights sleep. I get dressed and cleaned up before I climb into bed to let sleep over take me.

What is that noise? A bug? Is it time to get up already? I pick my head up and see my cell phone buzzing on my end table. Who is calling me at this time of night? I pick up the phone and see the caller ID. I hit answer and the second I press the phone to my ear the person starts talking.

"Tony, please help me. They're coming to get. Tony help me!"

**A/N: ok I know I left you with that and I am sorry. But I had to do it. I really hope you liked this. There will be more to come. I am sorry about the long wait. Please review they make me happy. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or the characters. If I did why would I be writing fanfiction about it?**

_**A**_**/N: ok so I know I have kept you all waiting a long time and I am truly sorry. My life has been so hectic I have not really had time to write. But I am back and hopefully everything will come out smoothly. I really hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

"_Take her" Saleem orders his men. Somehow I break free and escape out the door. I run not knowing where I am going I just know I need to get out of here. I look over my shoulder and his men are right behind me chasing after me with all different types of weapons. They want me and I know that my legs are going to give out at any second and they will have their way with me. They will tear my clothes away from my body. Their hands will roam my skin and feel every inch that they can find. They will not stop until they have had enough. My screams will only make them continue longer. I cannot let them get me. My legs become heavy and I trip over something. I turn on my back to see how far I got from them. But they are right above me by the time I am turned around. Their hands reach out for me and drag me back to the room._

_ "No! No please let me go! Stop please." I yell at them but it's no use I am back in the room with Saleem standing over me looking down at me._

_ "Are you boys ready to have some fun?" Saleem asks bending down next to me. I am still lying on the floor as Saleem reaches out and grabs the collar of my shirt. He brings my face closer to his._

_ "Are you ready?" he asks smirking. He does not give me time to answer before he crashes his mouth on to mine and shoves his tongue inside my mouth. The taste of ash fills my mouth. I try to pull away but his other hand grabs the back of my head holding me to him._

_ "Hey, I want some." One of them calls out from behind me. I shut my eyes trying to block everything out but closing my eyes makes it worse. I can only feel what he is doing to me if my eyes are shut. It is like I am alone with this monster. I open them and I met face to face with Saleem. His eyes are closed. I look to the left and see one of the bigger men standing there with hunger in his eyes. This is it. I am going to be theirs forever._

I sit straight up in bed in a cold sweat and tears streaming down my face. My breath is short and heavy. I know they are coming. They do not just leave me like that. They are coming for more. I quickly grab my phone off the end table and dial the second number on speed dial.

"Tony, please help me. They are coming to get me. Tony help me!" I say frantically into the phone.

"Ziva stay on the phone, I'm coming. I'll be there as soon as I can. Just stay on the phone." He says. I hear him shuffling through things on the other end.

"I cannot they are coming. If they catch me they will make it worse. Please just hurry." I tell him.

"No Ziva don't-" but I click the end button on the phone.

**Tony's P.O.V.**

"No Ziva don't hang up." She hung up before I could finish. Dang it Ziva, why do you do this to me? I rush out to my car and speed down the road to her apartment.

I reach her place in 5 minutes. I ignore every red light and stop sign on the way over to her apartment. I rush up the stair to her place. I knock on the door hoping she will answer. She doesn't. I pick the lock and ready my gun. I walk into the house and it is perfectly fine. I go to the bedroom in the back right corner and open the door. The room is a mess. The sheets are everywhere. The pillows are on opposite ends of the room. But the most important thing is Ziva is nowhere in sight. I hear a sound come from the closet. Could that be her? I make my way over to the closest and open it slowly.

I put my gun away seeing Ziva in her closet. She is curled into a ball in the back corner crying into her arms. I bend down to her level.

"Ziva?" I whisper softly. I don't want to startle her. She looks up and her eyes are red and puffy but she also looks at me in fear.

"Oh, Ziva, I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner." I tell her reaching out to her but she flinches away from me as if my touch will hurt her.

"Zi it's me come on. You're ok now I'm here. I'm not going to let anything hurt you." I tell her holding out my hand to help her up. She doesn't take it. I have to get her off this floor and back to her bed somehow. I know she is not going to be happy with me but I have no choice. I stand up and take step towards her.

"I'm sorry about this." I tell her crouching back down and wrapping one of my arms around her back and the other under her legs.

"No do not touch me! Stop put me down! Please stop! Let me go!" She is screaming at me and thrashing her legs. I stumble a little as her fist connects with my cheek but I don't stop. I carry her out of the closet and back over to the bed.

"No stop. Please do not do this." She whimpers as I lay her down on the bed. I lay down next to her and wrap my arms around her so she can't hit me anymore. I was wrong she can still hit me. I should have known an ex-assassin would know how to knee someone. If she wasn't crying right now I would tell her that I still need my little DiNozzo makers.

"Ziva please calm down. You're ok. I promise you're safe, please just stop." I whisper in her hair hoping it will snap her out of whatever type of dream she is in. Her breathing starts to regulate and her muscles seem to relax a little bit. Her legs stop moving and she lifts her head. I look down into her eyes to see she has finally stopped crying.

"Tony?" she asks softly. She's confused; she doesn't really know where she is or why I am laying next to her in bed holding her body close to mine. I don't blame her, if I woke up in this situation I would be confused to.

"Yeah Zi it's me." I tell her gently stroking her hair.

"Tony what are doing in my bed?" she asks sitting up on her elbow.

"Well you called me and you were screaming that you needed help that they were coming after you. So I came here as fast as possible to make sure you were ok." I tell her watching her face closely. Her eyes flicker to the side and I can tell she is lost in a dream again.

"Hey Ziva." I call out to her. She shakes her head and looks back at me.

"I am sorry Tony. You should not have come here. As you can see I am fine-"

"Fine? Ziva how can you say you are fine? After the way I found you I know you are not fine. You do not lock yourself in a closet sobbing when you are fine Ziva. Stop lying to me and tell me the truth." I demand trying to control my anger. How can she still deny help after how I found her? Is she really that stubborn?

"Fine I will tell you but you have to promise me you will not tell anyone else." She demands.

"I promise." I answer. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

"It all started once you brought me back from hell…."

**A/N: Ok so I really hoped you enjoyed this and once again I am sorry for keeping you all waiting for this. I hope you leave a review cause then I can know what you all think of this story and if you have an idea that you want me to write about for this story you can PM me or leave it in a review. (Who knows maybe I'll put it in there? And of course you will get credit for the idea if I use it.)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.**

**A/N: Ok I am very sorry once again for late update but once again my life has been busy. But since I have kept you all waiting for such a long time here is a long chapter. Hope you all enjoy!**

"It all started when you brought me back from hell…" I say sitting up and swinging my feet over the edge of the bed.

"I started having these nightmares that repeat exactly what I went through. They started off with just the things that happened but more recently they have involved you, Gibbs, Abby, McGee, everyone. The first night was the worst one I have ever had-"

"Have they been getting better?" he asks sitting up to match my position. I look into his eyes for the first time and I only see concern.

"No, sometimes that are not too bad but other times they are so unbearable that I wake up in a cold sweat and crying and I still believe I am in the dream-"

"Like tonight?" he asks cutting me off again.

"Yes, just like tonight. I am… sorry… Tony-"

"No, just stop apologizing. Nothing is your fault. Not what happened to you while you were in that desert, and not the nightmares, nothing is your fault Ziva." He tells me. But no matter how many time he tells me it will not erase the feeling of guilt I have.

"I should have tried harder. I should have been stronger. I showed too much emotion while I was there. And I should not be this affected by it now. It is over and done with. This should not be happening to me I am weak-"

"Ziva you are human. You are allowed to feel. You are not the trained emotionless killer that you used to be. You have changed. It's not a bad change either if anything you have became a better person." He tells me. I looked away thinking he was going to get angry but as I look back into his eyes I still only see concern.

"Ziva I don't know what fully happened to you but whatever it was, it was not your fault, and it is going to affect you." He tells me looking me straight in the eyes. Does he want to know what happened? Could I tell him? I cannot tell anyone. If anyone finds out they will see how broken I am. How dirty and unworthy I have become.

"Tony I cannot talk about what happened. It was too…" I cannot finish that sentence for there are no words that can describe the torture I went through.

"I am not asking you right now but I would like to know someday whenever you are ready to tell me. I want to help you. Now that I know you are suffering every night I can't just sit back and watch you hurt every day." He says. Why does he care so much? Why does he want to help someone as pathetic as me?

"I do not know if I will ever be able to tell anyone about it. I do not ever want to relive it. It was too unbearable the first time." A silence falls over the room as he sits there staring at me.

"How do you plan to help me Tony? You cannot control my dreams, you cannot stop them from coming after me, you cannot get rid of the memories and scars I have Tony. How do you expect to help me?" I ask.

"What are you talking about? What scars? I have never seen one scar on you?" he asks. He is even more worried and he moves closer to me.

"Nothing, I did not mean to say that." I tell him hoping he will drop it.

"No Ziva stop hiding from me. All I want to do is help you and you keep shutting me out. You are never going to get over this if you don't accept help from someone. Why not let that someone be me? I have already seen you after a nightmare. You have already freaked out on me enough times. Come on Ziva just stop being so stubborn and except the fact that you need help." I should have known he would not let it go. I did not expect him to raise his voice but he did. The more he spoke the louder he got. He really does care. Should I let him in? Should I tell him about everything? Will he treat me differently?

"Ziva trust me. I'm sorry for yelling but it's just so frustrating that you won't except help from anyone when you clearly need it. I'm worried, Gibbs is worried, Ziva everyone has been worried about and for good reason now that I know part of what has been going on with you. I already have assumptions about what happened to you. You stay distant from everyone now. You flinch away from peoples touch. Ziva trust me no matter what you tell me will not make me see you any differently than the way I see you now." It's almost like he was reading my mind.

"How do you see me Tony?" I ask. He moves even closer to me on the bed so his arm is around me. Even though I flinch away from his touch he still wraps his arm around me.

"I see you as the closest thing to perfect anyone can get." He says. I am speechless but I know I can trust him.

"Look Tony many of the things that happened to me in Somalia left scars on my body. I went through some of the most gruesome things you can imagine." I tell him moving away from him to bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around my knees.

"What did they do?" he asks a little more forcefully.

"You want to know everything?" I ask. Do I really want to tell him everything? He will see me differently; he will see me as week, damaged and pathetic. He says he will not but I know he will.

"Yes…from the beginning…please. I promise nothing will change. I just need to know what you went through. I saw you in that cell when the bag was ripped off your head and ever since then it has been killing me to know what happened." He tells me reaching out to place his hand on my arm. I flinch once again but he does not move his hand. He gently rubs his thumb against the skin of my forearm.

"Tony do not promise anything until you have heard everything." I tell him. He should not make promises he cannot keep.

"So tell me." he demands softly.

"I was given an assignment to go to Somalia and take down Saleem and everyone who was in the camp. I lost a few members of my team during the trip. Once we hit land the remaining of us were injured except me. So we called my father and told him the situation. He told us to carry out our mission no matter what it cost. So I went alone leaving my injured teammates to go back and inform my father of what was going on. I reached the cam and took out almost everyone. I got within a fingernail of Saleem until I became…overpowered." I look up to see he has not moved his hand and his facial expression has not changed. He still has the same caring look. My brain is filled with images of Saleem's men pinning me to the ground and binding my hands and feet together and knocking me out cold with the butt of my gun. I quickly shake the image knowing Tony is waiting to hear the rest of what has happened.

"The next thing I remember is waking up in a strange room tied to a chair with my hands and feet bound with rope. The first few visits were not by Saleem but by his men. They would come every few hours. It started with beatings mainly to my body and not my face. Once they realized I was not talking they aimed their fists at my face. The first day Saleem came to visit me I could barely see out of my one eye. He talked to me like I was not a prisoner. Be when I did not respond to anything he was saying he became angry and he began to hit me to get some sort of reaction out of me. He did not care if it was anger or not he just wanted to know that I was feeling something. But every hit I felt something even though I did not show it. I was trained not to show any emotion. I soon became tired of just sitting there taking the abuse like a baby so I decided to talk. It was not what he wanted to hear but I could have cared less." I can feel the silent tears streaming down my cheeks. He's still looking at me.

"Soon after I started talking back the beatings stopped and I was dragged into different rooms for my punishment. The first room I was put into had knives all over it. There were shelves filled with different types of knives, not one knife was the same. I was tied to a table with my hands and legs spread apart and a man would come in and ask me a few questions. Every time I did not answer he would slice into me. Sometimes it was a little cut while others were much deeper. Like this." I roll up my sleeve till it's around my shoulder and I turn my body to show him the long jagged scars running from the top of my shoulder to my elbow. His face has a look of horror as he looks upon the scar. He is looking at the mark almost like he is trying to study every abrasion on it. I turn my head away from him not being able to look into his eyes anymore. I flinch even farther into the bedpost at the feeling of his fingers tracing over the scar. I quickly turn away from his touch. I roll my sleeve back down to cover my arm.

"How many more?" he asks. His voice his soft and gentle. His face is so caring but it almost looks like he is in pain.

"A lot and they are everywhere." I tell him.

"C…Can I see them?" he asks hesitantly.

"Not right now." I answer moving a little further away from him.

"Alright, so after the…cutting…what did they turn to? He asks leaning back to give me more space to also so he can relax.

"They turned to burning, whipping, branding, and-"

"Branding? Like an-"

"Animal." I finish nodding my head confirming his question.

"Yes, I am forever marked." The tears are pouring down my face I do not even try to stop them. I lean on my side to slightly pull the waist band of my sweatpants down a little past my hip bone to expose the raised S mark on my skin. He sits back up fully alert again. His gaze never leaving from the S mark.

"Ziva…" he whispers. I know he wants to reach out to me but I am thankful he does not. He just sits there staring at my hip. I let go of my pants and they slide back into place. I sit back up and sit with my feet tucked underneath me facing Tony. His gaze is still glued to the spot on my hip.

"Tony please stop staring." I demand.

"Sorry. I just…I can't believe you went through that and still didn't say anything." He says moving his gaze up to meet mine.

"I did. I told him my name. I gave away information just because I was in pain. The longer I stayed silent the harder he pushed the branding tool into my skin. I was weak and gave into the pain. He then wanted to know everything I knew. I did not answer for I could not betray my family. But he just continued to talk to me as he pressed the harder into my side. He finally stopped after making sure I was going to be marked forever. " There is no chance that the tears are going to stop now

**Tony's P.O.V.**

"He kept trying to get answers from me but I would not say anything. So he left me alone in the room with barely any food or water. He came back after a while and he had food with him. He tried to bribe me with food to get answers from me. I did not give in a t first but the need for food was too overpowering and I gave in. He wanted to know my last name and where I was from. But once he got my name he gave me the food and the he had his men do research on me and they contacted Eli. They got him on video call and talked to him. They had us face to face and asked him if he could make me talk for them. He said no of course but they threatened they would make him watch while they tortured me. But he did not care. He just played it off like it was nothing. He told them he knew I talked since they found out we were related. He told them that I was a disappointment and he told me I failed my assignment. He told Saleem to do as he wished with me. That whatever he does to me will be my punishment for failing." Her tears are pouring even heavier now. I want to reach over and pull her to my chest but in the state she is in it is probably better if I don't. This must be killing her to tell me everything.

"What! How can he say that? He was the one who did that. It's his fault not yours. You didn't deserve anything you went through." I am furious right now. How can her father do this to her? I hate him. I hate him more than I already did if that is even possible.

"That was not even the worst part. Saleem had found out that I worked with NCIS and he wanted to know my relationship with them. I did not tell him of course. So he became angry and he dragged me to a dungeon type room and tied me up in chains to hang on a wall. Saleem had children, a son and a daughter. The boy was 13 and the girl was 16. Her name was Kalila. She did not like Saleem at all. She went against everything he said. I found out she was the one doing all the research on me. She had no idea what Saleem was doing with the information but it was what she was told to do. She listened to these orders for her brother's sake. She caught Saleem torturing me one time. I was still chained to the wall when she caught him. They argued for a long time and he ended up tying her up next to me. She told me about her life and what she has been through. She knew all about me, she told me she withheld information from Saleem to protect me. She reminded me of Tali in so many ways. Her attitude was different but the way she looked, from her brown curly hair to her big brown eyes. It was so hard to look at her sometimes. She told me what Saleem planned to do with me if I did not talk to him soon. I told her I did not care and that I already had an idea of what was to come.

Saleem left us in there for a long time before he came back. We were on the brink of death at the time. Kalila was already so small before she got locked in there. By the time he came back she was a skeleton. Her clothes barley fit her as it was, by that time they were practically falling off her. We thought we were going to die at that moment but then he walked in. He asked us how we were like nothing was going on. He walked straight over to me. He started rubbing his hands all over me. I was powerless against his actions. I was just hanging there while he felt every inch of my body. Kalila yelled at him to stop but he did not. They continued to argue until he started to ignore her and he turned his attention back to me. He began to rip my clothes from my body only leaving me in a tank top while Kalila screamed at him to stop. He was using me to torture his own daughter but at the same time he was torturing me. I had to hang there and listen to her screaming while Saleem took the only thing he had not taken yet. I do not remember how long it went on but it felt like an eternity. The pain I felt after he was done with me was like none other I had ever experienced. He unchained us after he was done. We both fell to the floor not even trying to block our falls. He left afterwards to leave us with our thoughts. I pushed through the pain to pull my clothing back on." I can't listen to this. I mean I had a feeling that this happened but to actually hear her say she was raped by this monster is even more horrible than I thought it was going to be. I thought I prepared myself for this but it did matter it still hurts to know what she went through. One of the worst things is he had a quick death. A bullet to the head what we should have done is made him suffer.

**ZIVA'S P.O.V.**

He's going to run; he's going to never want to see my face again. I still do not understand how he has not run away. I am damaged beyond repair and yet he sits there staring like I have told him nothing.

"The pain was so great I could barely move. I asked Kalila to kill me but she refused I begged her to do it but before she could answer her brother Ramey walked in saying he would do it. I met Ramey once before when I was talking to Eli. He was holding the camera. He was crying and asking Saleem why he was doing this. But he had changed since then. He was not crying and he had the same evil look as Saleem. He came in a grabbed a camera off the wall. He told us that they recorded everything that went on in the room. He walked over to me and began to harass me. Kalila asked why he was doing this and he told her that she was weak. That Father taught him how to be a real man and not some cry baby like he was before. She was done. So she waited until his attention was back on me before she snuck over and took the camera from his hand. He stood up and asked for it back but she smashed it against the wall and it fell into tiny pieces that not even Abby could put it back together. He slams Kalila against the wall and chains her back up. Saleem returns and calls him off of his sister. He tells Saleem that Kalila smashed the camera. He did not care he only cared about making me talk. Once he walked in a little farther is when I noticed he had a taser in his hands. He approached me and lifted up my shirt to expose my stomach. He quickly pushed the taser onto my flesh and my body started shaking. I still did not talk and he became frustrated. He tossed the taser away and pulled out a magnifying glass and a high powered flashlight. He figured out that if you use the right kind of flashlight with a magnifying glass that the light will work the same as the sun. He shined the light through the glass onto my stomach right underneath the taser marks. It slowly burned my skin to form a circular mark. I remember looking over to tell Kalila not to look but she was already faced away.

He stopped burning me and he placed his lips on my skin. When he placed his lips on mine all I could taste was ash. He decided to have his way again while Kalila begged and begged and soon I started begging. This was not the first time he had decided to kiss me but for some reason this was just too much. Once he was done he walked out ordering his men to take us. They grabbed Kalila and took her out of the room. I saw them drag her down the hall and into a room not far from when they placed me. Saleem threw me back into my old room and tied me back up to the chair. He left saying he had business to attend to. The next thing I heard was Kalila's screams. She was in so much pain and I couldn't do anything. Just when I thought I couldn't take listening to this her screams stopped. I knew that once they stopped she was gone. Saleem walked in a few minutes later and he threw the jacket Kalila had on at me. He killed his daughter like it was nothing. She did not mean anything to him." The tears just keep coming as I remember Kalila and all she did for me. She was so young; she could have had a better life if only I fought for her. We could have rescued her and took her home with us. Then she could be here now and I could be taking care of her. But I did not fight. I did not talk so she had to be punished. Kalila please know how sorry I am for everything I did. For all the trouble I caused you.

"Ziva… was that the jacket that you were wearing when we found you?" Tony asks softly. I still do not understand why he is still here.

"Yes, I still have it so I can remember her forever. She was one of the greatest young girls I have ever met. I wish I fought harder against them. Maybe if I just talked she would still be alive." I say.

"Ziva, don't say that. If you talked they would have killed you and her. It wouldn't have mattered if you talked or not. If you had talked you would have died-"

"Maybe it would have been better that way. Tony I was ready to die, in fact I wanted to. I did not want to live with everything I saw, heard or went through. I did not mean to live through it." I tell him.

"Well you did. And you know what? I am glad you did. I meant what I said Ziva, I can't live without you." He says quoting himself from out time in the desert.

"I know and I am sorry I just miss her and I wish I did something more for her." I respond looking away trying to wipe the tears from my face.

"You did do something. You helped her. I know it doesn't seem like it but you did. If she did not meet you then who knows what Saleem would have been doing to her. She got to meet an amazing woman before she died. She got to spend some time like a normal girl having a friend before she went." He tells me scooting next to me. I sit there silently waiting for him to continue but he doesn't. After a few minutes go by I see him lean over and look at the time.

"Alright Ziva, it's late and we still have to wake up for work. Why don't we try to get some sleep." I cannot believe he wants to stay here. After everything I have told him he still cares. What is with him? Why does he have to do this? It is only making things difficult. Is he expecting something more? Does he want something or is he just being nice?

"Tony, why have you not run away in disgust?" I ask.

"Because I care. Because no matter what you tell me I will still see you has beautiful and I perfect. You can't change in my eyes." He tells me lying down next to me. He looks at me with soft eyes. He lifts the up the edge of the covers for me to crawl under. As I lay down underneath he tucks me in while he stays above the covers. I do not know how I feel about him lying in bed next to me. But what shocks me more is that when he goes to wrap his arm around me to pull me closer my first reaction is not to flinch but to snuggle closer to him. Is it possible that I can be restored? Is it possible that I will forget all of this and begin to live a normal life again?

"Good night Ziva." He whispers gently into my hair.

"Thank you for opening up and letting me in. I promise to keep you safe from now on." He says wrapping his arm tighter around my waist like if he lets go I will run. A smile grazes my lips as I snuggle into his arm embrace.

"Good night Tony and Thank you." By the sound of his light snoring I know he did not hear me but that does not matter. I have Tony now if I need help and I know he will help me to recover from everything. Closing my eyes I listen to his light snoring and I fall into a deep sleep where my nightmares do not plague me.

**A/N: So there you have it folks. I have part of the net chapter planned out I have to figure out the rest then I will write it and hopefully get it posted. Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or the characters.**

**A/N: sorry for not updating this for so long. But here is the next chapter. I was busy with school but I am now officially on summer vacation now.**

**Tony's P.O.V.**

I wake up to the feel of something warm moving against me. I open my eyes to see Ziva still in bed sleeping peacefully. I look over her shoulder to check the time. 6:00 perfect just in time to get up for work. I'll wake up Ziva in a little bit, she needs her sleep. She has been so worn out lately. How can she hold all of that in? I can't help but wonder if she has ever hurt herself to take away some of the pain. I haven't seen all of her scars but I have seen more than she wanted me to. I saw the cigarette burns on her arms. I saw the scar from where her bounds rubbed against her wrists and ankles. I saw a tiny scar poking out from the waist line of her sweat pants and the one sticking out from the neck line of her shirt. I can't imagine how many she actually has. I gently reach out to run my hand through her hair but she begins to stir. I remove my hand quickly as her eyes flutter open.

"Tony?" she asks softly.

"I'm still here. I was just about to wake you." I tell her.

"How did you sleep?" I ask after a few minutes.

"Good, which is weird? It has not happened in a long time." She says sitting up.

"Well that's a good thing. It means you're getting better…right?" I ask sitting up as well.

"I do not know." A silence falls over both of us as we sit on the bed. Facing her bed it not good I want to see her face to make sure she is ok.

"Why don't you go jump in the shower while I go make us some breakfast." I tell her getting off the bed and walking over to sit next to her. She has been silent for at least 10 minutes. She continues to sit there with one leg off the bed and the other curled up under her chin. She is staring at the ground with a blank look in her eyes which means she deep in thought.

"Ziva…Ziva you still in there?" I ask softly not wanting to startle her. She doesn't respond. I stand up and walk over to crouch down in front of her.

"Ziva…you ok?" I ask being very careful. A startled Ziva is worse than an angry Ziva.

"I am fine." She always says that when someone asks her how she is.

"Come on Ziva…we have to go to work." I tell her standing up. The worse "I am fine" also means leave me alone I don't want to talk about it. So that's what I'll do, I'll leave her alone…for now.

**Ziva's P.O.V**

It's weird. I had one of the most peaceful sleeps last night. What was so different about last night? I had Tony next to me holding me, but I would think that would make it worse.

He is still standing at the doorway watching me. He is so protective now. He probably will not let me out of his sight today. He sees me as weak I know he does. I can tell by the look in his eyes.

I stand up and walk into the bathroom to shower. I shed my clothes and turn on the water. I look in the mirror and once again I am drawn to the white lines covering my skin. How can he care about me after he has seen these? I run my hand over the S on my hip. He has even seen this one and still he stayed the night. I just do not understand how.

I quickly take my shower and clean myself off. I dry myself off quickly just wanting to be back in my clothes again. I walk out of the bathroom and the smell of pancakes fills my senses. I walk out to the kitchen and find Tony standing at my stove flipping pancakes around the pan. As I watch him from the distance a smile graces my face.

"Smells good, I did not know you could cook." I say walking over to watch him closely.

"Yeah, I don't eat take out all the time. I did have to learn how to cook at some point." He tells me placing the pancakes on a plate.

"Are those chocolate chip pancakes?" I ask. Chocolate chip pancakes are my favorite kind. Does Tony know that: I do not ever remember telling him?

"Yes they are. Why you don't like them? I'll make you something different if-"

"No, they are my favorite that's all." I interrupt him.

"Mine to! Alright instead of talking about these delicious pancakes why don't we sit down and eat them." He says sitting down at the table pancakes and syrup in hand.

"Tony these are really good." I tell him taking a bite out of the pancake.

"Thank you." He answers shoving a bite into his mouth.

"Tony you have syrup right…here." I say as I lick my thumb and lean across the table to wipe the edge of his mouth. As I glide my thumb across his mouth I realize what I just did and pull my hand away quickly. His eyes lock onto mine and we both look back down at our plates and continue eating.

The rest of breakfast is silent. Tony insists that he drives me to work today as we clear our plates from the table. I agree because I know he will be very upset if I do not let him. We first have to stop at his apartment so he can change his clothes. The car ride to work is silent as well.

I hate the silence. I never used to mind it, but now when ever it's silent I think back to my time alone while I was in Somalia. I was left alone for days sometimes months. I did not mind so much when he was only torturing me because when he left me alone it meant that I had time to recover. The only time being alone in silence bothered me was when he took Kalia away from me and dragged her down the hall. It was after her screams stopped and she was gone. The silence after that moment was worse than Saleem's torture methods. The other reason I did not like the silence back then was because is made me see how weak I was. It allowed me to sit and wallow in self pity. Also being alone with my thoughts made me feel the pain that I was in from Saleem and his men's last session with me.

"What are you thinking about?" Tony's voice breaks me out of my thoughts thankfully breaking the silence as well. He places his hand on mine which is resting on my thigh.

"Tony." I say trying to tell him to take his hand off of me. I know he does not mean anything by it, but I am still not comfortable with touching. He seems to understand and he takes his hand off mine.

"Sorry. Look Ziva I know you don't ever want to talk about what happened again but if it still bothers you maybe there is more to talk about and-"

"Tony please, do not do this…not now." I interrupt. I know what he was going to say. He can tell it's still hurting me so he wants to talk…again. But I cannot do that. If I go into any more details about it, who knows what will happen? I told him everything. He does not need to know more no matter how badly he wants to know. If I tell him anymore or show him anymore he will look at me like I am unworthy.

"But Ziva you're not ok. I can see it. You may act fine and you may say you're fine but I can tell you're not just by looking into your eyes. I have told you once that your eyes don't shut up and that's true. I can always tell when you are suffering just by looking into them. I just don't like to see you hurt." He says pulling into the NCIS parking lot. I let out a sigh and open the car door indicating that I want to go.

"Wait just a second…please. Ziva I know you think I shouldn't care about you for whatever reason but I do. I care a lot." He says. I go to open my mouth to say something but he cuts me off.

"Just listen… look Ziva I don't know what the reason is of why you think no one should care about you but whatever it is it's not true. It's not just me who cares about you. Gibbs, McGee, Abby, Palmer, Ducky, and I we all care about you. You're family to us Ziva and nothing you say or do can change that." He finishes. I cannot look at him because once again he read me like a book. He knew what was running through my head when he said he cared.

"Tony I am damaged and useless-"

"Stop, don't you see how beautiful you are?" he says tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"No because when I look at myself all I see are scars and then that leads to memories and memories lead to me crying which is a weakness." I tell him getting aggravated the more I talk.

"It's not a weakness Ziva. It's called being human. And there is nothing wrong with crying-"

"There are a million things wrong with crying. Crying makes you weak, it gave them an advantage, it made Kalila hurt more every time I cried. When I was alone… crying made me see how weak and pathetic I was. Kalila knew it was her father making me cry and she felt the pain from that. When I cried Kalila got hurt and so did I. Do you see now why I did not want to get into this?" I ask getting up out of the car and slamming the door shut. I leave him in the car and walk into work to start another day.

**A/N: I promise there will be more Tiva in the next chapter. Please review it will help me update faster because then I will know if you guys like this story or not. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS**

**A/N: I am so sorry for the wait that I have put you guys through. Here is the next chapter!**

**TONY'S P.O.V**

I can't believe I pushed her. I told myself I would never push her to talk. She told me everything last night. I thought her talking to me meant that she was going to be open with me, but I guess I was wrong. She's still is just as closed off as she was before last night. I'll just have to give her space today. Clearly she's on edge and me; trying to make her talk will only make things worse. She'll come around sometime she just has to cool off.

I walk into the squad room and see her and McGee sitting at their desks doing work.

"DiNozzo why are you late?" Gibbs asks walking in from the other side of the squad room.

"Sorry Boss I got caught in traffic." I say glancing in Ziva's direction. She doesn't even make eye contact. A sharp pain on the back of my head snaps my eyes away from her and back to Gibbs.

"You came with David." He says. I always wonder how he knows everything about everyone.

"Yeah sorry I had to get a few things out of the car." I tell him sitting down at my desk.

"Rule number 6 DiNozzo." He says indicating his rule to never apologize. I nod my head in his direction. Ziva has still not made any indication that I am even here.

**ZIVA'S P.O.V**

I cannot believe him. He is so insensitive sometimes. I swear if he doesn't get answers he has to push and push and push until he gets them. He does not understand that I cannot be pushed. No amount of pushing will get me to open up. Yes he knows almost everything and he handled it well but he will never understand the effect it has on me when I think about what happened. Every question he asks brings back memories for me.

Tony stands up and heads towards the bathroom. I am not sure if I should go talk to him or not but something in my gut tells me I should. I stand up and follow him to the bathroom without him knowing. I open the door to the men's room and he is standing at the urinal. At the sound of the door opening he turns to look over his shoulder. He sees that is it me and he turns back around and zips up his fly and flushes the urinal. He walks over and washes his hands. I walk over to the sink and lean my back against the counter not wanting to look into his eyes.

"Thought you didn't want to talk." he says taking a paper towel and drying his hands.

"I still do not want to. But sometimes you have to do things that you do not want to do." At the sound of my own words flashbacks of giving into Saleem's demands to get him stop what he was doing run through my head.

"Ziva." he says softly. I turn my head to find him facing me looking into my eyes. It is almost like he knows where my mind went to.

"Tony, in the car you kept on pushing telling me things that I did not want to talk about. I told you everything that you wanted to know-"

"Not everything." he says cutting me off.

"Ok what haven't I told you? I told you about the beatings, I told you about…Kalila, I told you about the nightmares, and I even told you about the rape so please tell me what did I not tell you." Say turning to face him completely.

"The scars." He whispers his eyes showing more concern than ever before.

"Tony, I cannot-"

"See that's why I push for thing, because you are so bottled up. You open up one night and that gets me thinking that you'll actually trust me to tell me things when they are bothering you. But here you are closed off again. And you said it yourself. You told me everything, what I don't understand is if you told me everything why can't you tell me about this?" he asks taking a step closer.

"Because Tony it is too painful. It is all too painful. Even what I talked to you about was painful. If I did not call you I would have never told you about any of this. But I was not in my right mind at the time. I was scared and weak. You have to understand that I do not like to talk about myself or anything that has happened to me for that matter. And the reason I did not show you or tell you about all the scars I have is because,I am ashamed and disgusted at them and with my body. And because every time I look into a mirror all I see is Saleem and his men and all I hear are their words." I rant walking around the bathroom.

"What do you mean? What did they say." He asks walking over to me and grabbing my arms to hold me in place.

"I did not mean to-"

"No, come on Ziva" he interrupts gripping my arms tighter to make sure I do not break away.

"Tony let go." I demand. His grip is not hurting me but just the thought of someone holding me in place so I cannot move is not good. He sees the look in my eyes and let's go.

"Sorry." He says.

"But Ziva come on! Why can't you just open up. Clearly I'm not going to see you any different. So why?" he asks.

"It's like I said it hurts too much. When I talk about it, it brings things back up that I would rather not get into it."

"So everything else isn't painful for you to talk about?"

"Of course it was painful but I trusted you not to push for things. I trusted you to understand. I trusted you not to see me any different." I raise my voice beginning to get frustrated. He just does not understand why I cannot tell him. Yes telling him about everything hurt but showing him the results of what they did would be worse. If I show him it will allow him to see how damaged I truly am.

"If you trusted me so much with all that what has changed. I have news for you Ziva. I don't see you any different, I do understand, and the only reason I am pushing for you to tell me is because I want to help you." His voice gets louder the more he talks.

"Look Tony I do not want to get into this right now I have told you why and you will not accept it so I do not know what else you want from me. I am done with this." I yell storming out of the bathroom. I walk to the elevator and hit the down button to go see Ducky. He normally knows what to do.

"Ducky?" I call once the doors slide open.

"Ah, Ziva…what brings you down here?" He asks walking over to me and leading me over to the chairs by his desk. I just shake my head. I do not know where to begin. Ducky knows everything that has happened. He checked me out when I got brought back.

"Is everything ok my Dear? You seem flustered." He says sitting me down and sitting across from me.

"I told Tony." I say softly. I figured that was the best way to start.

"Ah…so I presume he did not handle it well?" he asks.

"No, he handled it very well." I tell him.

"Then what is the problem? If he handled it well then why are you bothered by this?" he asks.

"He keeps pushing for more. I told him everything that happened and I let it slip that I had scars. I did not show him them and he wants to see them. Ducky I cannot show them to anyone. I did not you even looking at them but I knew I had to let you because you had to make sure I was ok. But Tony is not you. You have seen the worst of people Ducky. You are medical examiner and Tony is not." I finish.

"Ziva, Tony is an understanding man. Does he know about the one on your hip?" he asks.

"Yes I did show him that one and that was it. I had to show him that one because when I told him what happened, it is only natural that it left a mark. And he has also seen the one along the back of my shoulder to my elbow. But he keeps pushing for me to show him all of them and I cannot do that." I tell him twiddling my thumbs and looking down to my lap.

"Can I ask why not?" he asks

"Because Ducky he will see me differently. It will not matter what he says it is impossible for someone to see them and not see me differently. I can tell no matter what he says it is impossible for someone to see them and not see me differently. I can already see the sympathy in his eyes from me telling him what happened. Plus it is too painful to talk about." I tell him.

"I didn't and I still don't see you any different. Did I feel sorry for you? Yes, because you went through things that I can't even imagine. Ziva from your examination I saw things that I have never seen before. The sorts of torture that you went through over the four months you were there is unimaginable. I am surprised that you lived through it all. When I was doing your examination I felt sorry for you but that feeling quickly disappeared. The next thing I felt was pride. Ziva I was proud of you for holding out so long. If you ever show Tony your scars I am sure he will feel sorry at first but I guarantee he will be proud of you just as I am." He finishes grabbing one of my hands and holding it tightly. I look at Ducky in the eyes and I do not see a single trace of sympathy all I see is happiness and I can tell that he is proud of me. I feel the tears prickling my eyes trying to escape and roll down my face.

"Now just to make sure you even told him about…?" he stops and nods to my waist. I know he is asking if I told Tony about Saleem raping me.

"Yes I told him. It was hard but I told him. Like I said he handled it well. He acted like I never told him. He just continued to stare at me with caring eyes" I tell him.

"Ziva, I see no problem in letting him see them. They are not that bad. I am positive that they have healed since I last saw them." he tells me letting go of my hand.

"I cannot show him…at least not right now." I whisper looking away from him again.

"That is fine, you show him when you are ready. I will talk to Anthony and make sure he gives you space and that he stops pushing. But promise me my Dear that you will try to breath and." he tells me letting go of my hand and patting my leg gently.

"Thank you Ducky." I nod my head and stand up. I run my hands over my eyes to wipe away the tears.

"You are welcome my Dear." He says smiling and patting my shoulders to comfort me. I walk out of autopsy and back into the elevator to ride it up to the squad room to continue my day.

**A/N: so not much happened but I had to add Ducky in here because I have an idea that involves him. So please review it will mean the world to me.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry for not updating in so long. I was kind of bummed about not getting a single review on my last chapter. But here I am, back with another one because of my awesome friend NCIS Fan28. Please enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or the character. They are just like toy dolls, I like to pull them out and play with them every once in a while.**

**Tony's P.O.V.**

I can't find her anywhere, I have to find her. I have to make things right. I know she's upset with me but I just can't leave her like this. She's not in Abby's, she's not in the gym, and she's not in the squad room, so where is she? The gym is normally the first place she runs to when she's upset or angry at someone. When she's just upset she… I run in the direction I believe she could be. I jump into the elevator and hit the down button. Once the doors open, I walk to the autopsy doors and they slide open.

When I walk in Ducky is cleaning up his tea set. "Ducky, has Ziva been down here?" He spins his chair around to see face me

"Ah, Anthony, come sit. I need to talk to you about something," he holds his hand out to the chair next to him.

"Look, Ducky I would love to talk, but I really need to find her. It's really important. I screwed up and I need to fix it. So please, just tell if you've seen her." I tell him fiddling with my thumbs. It's a habit I've picked up on through the years of working here.

He nods his head and taps the chair with his pointer finger, silently demanding me to sit. "Yes, I'm well aware of your mistake Anthony. It's one of the reasons I need to talk to you," he tells me. I walk over and sit down in the chair. He turns his chair to face me and stares at me waiting for me to begin.

I take a deep breath before I start talking. "I just don't understand it Ducky. I don't understand how one second she will be open with me and then the next she'll be shutting me out. I ended up trying to force answers out of her…again. She has told me about pushing her for things before, I just got so frustrated. I feel like I need to know what happened and I want to know everything that happened. She told me a lot, but she left one thing out." I stop and look up into Ducky's eyes. He looks concerned and troubled.

"Her scars…" it's more of a statement then a question. Sighing deeply he adjusts his glasses before he begins to explain. "Anthony, her scars are one of the hardest things for her to talk about. I'm surprised you even know about them. To let you know about them is a big step for her. The only reason I know is because I did the exam on her when she came back. You need to understand that her scars are a hard topic for her. She doesn't even like talking to me about them, and I saw them before most of them were scars. I tried to heal them the best I could but there was too much damage. When she and I discussed this and about how they would become scars she didn't talk. She just let me explain what was going to happen and what needed to be done," he tells me all of this slowly as if to make sure I heard every word he said. But talking slow isn't necessary, even if he talked a mile a minute I would be listening. I would've heard every word.

"But Ducky, I do understand, I understand it's a hard topic for her, but she showed me some of them, she told me about the little girl, she told me about how he raped her, she told me everything except them. The only reason I know about them is because she showed me a few of them. I saw the branded S on her hip Ducky. If she could trust me with that why can't she show me the rest of them?" I ask. I'm not really expecting an answer because he's not Ziva, and I'm positive the only one I'll get the right answer from is Ziva.

"Because that brand mark is not the worst of them. That is a tiny one. Yes, it will be the one she has most trouble with but the others are worse. Also, that would mean you would know everything that had happened. The truth is you don't know everything that happened. She left things out. From what you have said, she told you the basics of what happened. She doesn't want you to know how badly they took advantage of her, and if you did in her mind that would mean you would know how weak she was. And bringing up her scars would also mean that she would have to go back to the moments of when she got them. That is the last thing she wants to do. She needs her space. She told you about everything else and now she needs her space. Talking about those things that have happened to her bothers her on a whole other level than you or I can imagine. Give her space and she will come to you when she's ready," I open my mouth to talk but he holds up his hand. "Now that may not be for a long time, but it could be soon. She trusted you before to open up, so she will about this to. Just give her time, and stop asking to see them. The more you ask, the more she will push you away," he finishes patting my knee.

"I guess I just want to be there for her, I care about her a lot. I just don't know how to help her if I don't know what it's about. Ducky I can't sit here and do nothing when she's waking up screaming and crying night after night because of what happened. I have this need to help her in any way possible. Ducky I've witnessed these nightmares. She called me, in the middle of the night, panicked that she was in Somalia. When I got to her place she was hiding in her closet. Ducky she hit me thinking I was going to hurt her. I can't be sleeping in my own apartment when she's freaking out at hers," I explain. I feel bad sharing that detail about that night but it's Ducky, he saw her at her worst.

"Anthony, please I beg you, leave her be. Just let her be alone for awhile. I told you before, you pushing her to show you things and to tell you about her experiences are pushing her farther away from you. One of her biggest problems is that she believes once you see her scars then you will see her differently. That no matter what you say, it doesn't matter once you see her you will see her differently. I already told her that you wouldn't, but she has her doubts. Now I understand that you want to help her, and the best way to do that is to leave her be, at least for now. If things seem to get worse then I suppose you may step in and ask if she's ok," he says looking at me. I nod my head as to answer that I agree to his deal.

"Alright, I'll leave her be, for now! But if things get worse, I'm stepping in," I answer standing up from the chair. "Thanks Duck," I call walking over to the door.

"You are very welcome my Boy," he says as I walk out the door. I head back into the elevator and hit the button to take me up to the squad room. As the elevator arrives on the floor I walk out and over to my desk. I sit down and look across to see if she's there, she is. The knot that was in my stomach is gone now that I know where she is.

"Do we have anything?" I asks turning on a game of solitaire on my computer.

"Nope, just some paperwork that needs to be caught up on." McGee answers. I look up at Ziva who seems to be ignoring me. Just breathe Tony, just give her some space. I close my eyes while taking a deep breath to calm down. I open my eyes to stare across the room at her. I know she can feel me staring, she always does.

She slams her hand down on the desk and looks up at me. "Must you keep staring at me?" She snaps. I don't answer I just continue to stare. "Tony, what do you want?" she asks in a softer voice.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about something," I answer with a smile.

"Well, could you think without staring at me?" she snaps again. I can tell she's upset about things and not being able to help her is killing me. But I guess I just need to take Ducky's advice and leave her be.

**Later That Night**

I'm glad that Gibbs let us go home early. I didn't really want to spend my night working on paperwork. I flick on the T.V. and walk over to grab a beer out of my fridge. My favorite Bond movie and an ice cold beer is a perfect way to end a stressful day. I sit down on my couch and place my feet up onto my coffee table.

I start to doze off when a sudden knocking sound wakes me from my trance. I stand from my seat and make my way across my living room. The knock happens again, only more urgently this time. "I'm coming! I'm coming!" I call out to whoever is behind my door. I open the door and something forces me to stumble backwards into my apartment. I wrap my arms around the figure in my arms holding them closer. I can feel them shaking in my arms and I can feel their tears soaking through my t-shirt. There is only one person to show up at my door in this state and at this time of night.

"Ziva, what happened?" I ask softly pulling her a little away from me so I can look at her face. She is looking straight ahead at my chest. She shakes her head back and forth. "Ziva I need you to talk to me. I don't know how to help you if you don't tell me," I tell her. She looks up slowly and by the distant look in her eyes and the scared expression on her face tells me everything that I need to know. I pull her closer to me and walk her slowly to my bedroom to lay her down. Her nightmares keep getting worse. She gets worse every time she has one. She lies down next to me without a fuss which is a good thing. I'm not really in the mood to fight with her about this tonight. She curls her body close to mine and lays her head down on my chest. Her shaking finally stops and her breathing returns to normal. I look down at her to see her eyes are closed and it looks like she is finally sleeping peacefully. I lay my head back down on the pillow, placing my chin on top of her head and letting sleep over take me.

**A/N: I hope you liked it. I know not much happened but I have another chapter already started. I hope you guys review on this one. I worked really hard on it. Thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS**

**A/N: I am sorry for not updating sooner. My life is very busy and it will be so I will be updating as soon as I can. Please enjoy this chapter.**

It's happening again… I was perfectly fine last night. I am in his arms again tonight and it's like nothing has changed. I still wake up with my body shaking and tears running down my face. The only difference is that Tony is here and he is holding me in his arms hugging me close to his chest. It helps keeping me well minded but it is not helping to keep the memories at bay.

_I fight against him but as I do he leans forward and bites into the side of my neck. My actions stop from the pain and he continues his actions. He slides one side of my tank top down to uncover the top part of my chest. He runs his hand across the skin and down my side. He reaches around and places his hand on my back bringing me closer so our bodies are crushed together. I can feel his teeth grazing over the exposed skin and his free hand has not stopped wandering. _

I still feel his hands on my skin. Every time Tony's hands run along my arms or my back I feel Saleem's hands not Tony's. I try to focus on Tony but the memories just keep over powering everything else.

___He sinks his teeth into my flesh but he stops when he hears a soft whisper behind him. I look behind him to stare into deep brown eyes of Kalila. She is staring in horror at the sight before her. The look in her eyes is complete torture to me. But she quickly snapped out of it and began yelling at her father._

"Ziva it's ok. I'm right here. I promise nothing will happen to you anymore. I'm right here and I always will be. I'll keep you safe." Tony whispers into my ear. He is running his hands on my back in slow circles trying to comfort me.

"Stop! Just stop! Do not touch me!" I try to push out of his embrace but he just holds me tighter.

"Ziva, you're ok, stop fighting me! Just breathe, take deep breaths Ziva."

"Tony just let go of me. Please." It's not like me to beg but I need him off me. I need my space and if he is not going to give it to me then I would need to force him. He lets go of me to allow me to move. I sit off to the side and regain my breathing.

"You ok?" Tony asks softly.

"I am fine, I just cannot be touched right now Tony. So please, just do not," I tell him. I cannot look at him for I know the tears that prickle my eyes will spill over.

"Ziva, why are you lying? I know you're not fine. I can see it, not just in your eyes, but by the way you're acting. Ziva everything about you screams that you're not fine. Just tell me what's going on in that pretty little heads of yours. Please," He says softly. I can tell he wants to comfort me by holding me close to him. He has always comforted me that way in the past. But I cannot let him. I know what will happen the second I feel his touch. Even though I know his touch is completely different than Saleem's, I know what will happen. The memories will come right back and then there will be nothing I can do to stop them, which may lead to me hurting him again.

"Ziva," he whispers. Just the sound of his voice helps calm me down. It is weird how just one person can make me react this way. Everything I have done has not stopped the nightmares but Tony has seemed to help.

"Come on Ziva. You talked to me before, and I know I'm pushing again, but I'm just trying to help you. I don't want you to feel like you can't open up to me. I won't see you any differently, I told you that before. So please Ziva, just let me in like you did before. You don't have to show me anything, all you have to do is talk." his voice is so smooth and rich. So different from…NO! I have to stop thinking about him. I cannot give him any more power. The more I think about him the more power he has.

"Tony, I don't know if I can. It is too much to handle at one time. I already showed you so much, showing you more will show me fully exposed and I am not ready for that. Please understand that it is not that I do not trust you because I do, I just cannot. At least not right now," I tell him.

"So, don't show just tell me," he's voice is so soft and so undemanding.

"Tony, I do not know if I can," I close my eyes and a vision on Kalia pops into my head. She's smiling. I barely ever got to see her smile, most of the time she was crying. It's almost like she's telling me it will be ok to let Tony in even more then I have. I take a deep breath and count _one…two…three _and then release it slowly. I open my eyes and Tony is watching me, carefully.

"Will you at least try…for me," he is more saying that then asking. I nod my head and shift my body to face him. I am sure that it is all in my mind, but I can almost feel Kalia in the room with me, encouraging me to make this decision.

I grip the end of my shirt and lift it just above my navel. I sit up straight to allow him to see the scar that runs from the bottom of my navel all the way past the waist line of my pants. "It was the first cut they ever made. They knew that this area is sensitive, so they knew it would cause a great deal of pain." I explain.

"How far does it go?" his eyes travel the length of it, but he continues to stare at my waist line. I can only imagine what his brain is thinking right now. I pull the waist line of my sweats down to my underwear line and the scare stops. It's about 2 inches long. I close my eyes not wanting to see his face as he looks upon my battered body.

My eyes snap open at the feel of his hand over my scar. He's looking directly into my eyes. "This doesn't change anything, ok?" he whispers. I am still not sure how he can make me feel completely safe in any situation with one look. I do not think I ever will. I nod my head to answer him. He smiles softly at me and my brain does not register what he is doing until he is already kissing my scar. He sits back up and stares at me. "You are still beautiful," he whispers. I can feel tears prickling to be released. I shut my eyes to keep the tears at bay. Tony's hand is on my cheek and I open mine at the feeling of his thumb brushing a stray tear from my face. I let go of my shirt and bring my hand up to wrap around his wrist. I turn my head and place a gentle but firm kiss to his palm.

"Any more tonight, or is one enough?" he asks brushing the pad of his thumb along my cheek.

I grab my shirt again and lift it a little higher so it's resting just below my breast. A gasp escapes his lips and I know he does not mean it by the look in his eyes. It is understandable for the upper part of my abdomen is scared more than anything else, well except my back. His eyes slide over the multiple burn marks and slash marks. What really catches his attention in the edge of a bite mark that has popped out from under my shirt. He grabs my hand and lifts my shirt a little more to get a full view of the bite.

I am expecting him to look away and run. To tell me how broken and dirty I am. But he does not. All he does is lean forward and kiss every scar that he can find on my abdomen. Once he's done he lets go of my shirt and it falls back into place. "Tony, I..." he places two finger on my lips to silence me.

"I don't care Ziva. Now that's enough for tonight, let's go back to sleep." he says gently moving towards me and wrapping his arm around my waist to bring me down on the bed. I feel him snuggle against my back pulling me closer to his body. The warmth radiating off of him is a nice feeling. It's so much better than that freezing cell I was in. As I close my eyes I feel his hand snake under the edge of my shirt and he rubs his fingers over the small circular scars from the burns I received.

"Shhh, relax, it's just me. No one else but me." he whispers into my ear. "Just relax, I'm not going to hurt you, I'm not ever going to hurt you," he says placing a chaste kiss on my cheek before laying his head on the pillows. I nod my head and turn my body to snuggle closer to him. I realize that when I turn it allows his hand to fall on back and I know he can feel the scars that are there as well. I lift my head to see his reaction but he does not react. He just continues running his fingers gently over them like nothing happened. I lay me head back down in the crook of his neck and let the sound of his heavy breathing, and motion of his hand on my skin lull me back to sleep for the few hours we have left before morning.

**A/N: So I hope you enjoyed it. I will hopefully have the next chapter. If there is something any of you would like to see in the next chapter then PM me or leave it in a review. **


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